Have you ever listened to someone tell a version of events that was completely different from what you remember and wondered, Do they actually believe that?
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That can be one of the most confusing parts of dealing with someone who repeatedly distorts reality. They may tell a story with such certainty that you begin questioning your own memory.
Sometimes people know they are lying. They may deliberately change details, leave out information, deny something they know happened, or tell different versions of the story to different people.
But sometimes something more complicated may be happening. A person who has a strong need to protect their self-image may reinterpret events until they can see themselves as the victim, the reasonable one, or the person who was simply reacting to someone else’s behavior.
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Eventually, their version of the story may feel completely true to them.
And here’s the difficult part: you may never know which one is happening.
You can spend an enormous amount of energy trying to figure out whether they know they’re lying, whether they believe their own story, or whether they’re deliberately manipulating you.
But there’s another question that may be much more helpful:
What is this pattern doing to you?
Are you constantly defending yourself? Questioning your memory? Trying to prove what happened? Waiting for them to finally acknowledge your version of events?
You don’t have to solve someone else’s psychology before you can trust your own experience.
You don’t have to convince them.
You don’t have to win the argument.
Sometimes reclaiming your life begins when you stop trying to make someone else agree with the reality you already know.
You were there. You know what you experienced.
Listen to Episode 27 of The Reclaimed Life Podcast: Do Narcissists Believe Their Own Lies—or Do They Know They’re Lying?